NYDailyNews-People are coming out of the woodwork to jump on the Miami Heat bandwagon now that they have the superstar trio of Dwyane Wade, LeBron James and Chris Bosh. That includes players looking for one last day in the spotlight, too.
Penny Hardaway, a four-time NBA All-Star guard, told the Bottom Line Sports Show, an online radio program, that he wants to take the court in a small role with the Heat next season.
Hardaway, however, is 38 years old and hasn't played in an NBA game since he was released by the Heat in December 2007.
"I didn't get a chance to finish my career the way I wanted," Hardaway said on the show, which he co-hosts. Former Knick Charles Oakley is an executive producer.

HAHAHA the NBA is the best league in the entire world. Penny Hardaway thinks he can actually still play basketball. The Heat might as well have open tryouts cause if Penny can attempt to make a comeback, I want in. I played basketball in middle school and my jump shot is wet. But seriously, really Penny you havent been good since Blackstreet came out with No diggity. Yeah that is a long fucking time and I don't care how many times you hit the gym, you aren't good at basketball. You might as well give Jud Buechelor a call because I bet he still can make it rain from 3. The only way I could see the Heat bringing in Penny is if they could sign little Penny also, because that would be doin it. How awesome would it be to see a puppet throwing DWade alley oops and dancing to No Diggity. I'd pay lots of money to see that.

Does this look like the Face of the Son of the Will County Board Chairman who stabbed a dude over a chick?

A Mokena teen was in good condition today at a hospital, recovering from stab wounds allegedly inflicted by the son of the Will County board chairman during a dispute over a girl, authorities said.
Matthew W. Moustis, 17, of the 7500 block of West Windmill Drive in Frankfort Square is charged with two counts of aggravated battery in connection with the Wednesday night stabbing at a school parking lot on the 20900 block of South Frankfort Square Road, law enforcement officials said.
Will County sheriff's police arrested Moustis around 11 p.m. Wednesday. He was in the Will County Adult Detention Facility this morning and was scheduled to appear at a 1:30 p.m. bond hearing, Will County State's Attorney spokesman Charles Pelkie said.
Sheriff's Police spokeswoman Kathy Hoffmeyer said deputies dispatched to the school parking lot found the injured 18-year-old man being treated by Frankfort Fire Protection District paramedics.
The teen told deputies he had been driving north on 80th Avenue when he realized Moustis was behind him in a larger vehicle, Hoffmeyer said. The man said he avoided attempts to force his vehicle off the road and pulled over in the school parking lot to confront Moustis, Hoffmeyer said.
Moustis, the son of Will County Board Chairman Jim Moustis, allegedly emerged from his vehicle with a 16-year-old who was the 18-year-old's ex-girlfriend. She reportedly told the victim their relationship was over.
The victim told deputies he pushed Moustis. Moustis, using a silver knife provided by the girl, responded by slashing and stabbing him.

What a heartmorning love story this is. Looks like my man Matt Moustis isn't really worried about getting in trouble for this little stabbing incident huh? I guess I wouldn't be worried if my dad was the chairman of the Will County Board. He is basically the Joe Biden of Will County and that is one big swinging dick no homo. This just goes to show that some dudes will do anything for some pussy. She must have some dick wrecking moves to get this gump to try and kill her ex. Me on the other hand doesn't have to worry about that. I will get chicks to do the stabbing for me. Then again if there was a certified 8 or better ready to bang out I wouldn't be opposed to stabbing another dude. Actually, I think I would start off by stabbing Will for a certified 6.

Sheffield Garden Walk is Tomorrow

This is by far the best outdoor summer fest in Chicago. If you live or are from Chicago and don't know what I am talking about or have never been, stop reading find the nearest gun and kill yourself. The Garden Walk may sound extremely gay, but let me tell you it kills it. Lincoln Park is turned into an all day booze fest with live music, beer stands, and most importantly who's who of Chicago. Obviously, since I am the man I live around the corner from the Garden Walk and will be having the ultimate throwdown, complete with vodka lemonades, kegs, and the hottest chicks in the street. Would Jennifer Hudson and Punk from I love New York be at the Garden Walk two years ago if it wasn't the shit?

Is It my fault I am doin it?

Will likes to text me 8000 times a day complaining about my lack of posts and my answer to him is get off my dick. Sorry I am not sorry Bro. While I am busy doin it/getting chicks/being awesome, Will is begging to suck Lebron James's dick in Ohio. I would rather cut my dick off then be in Ohio. Also, Will just isn't as funny as your boy here. If I wasn't out boozing my face off for Mcgee's dollar beers last night maybe I would have wrote a semi funny blog about Uncle Jesse or maybe I would have wrote a sick article about homeless people. Hey Will I know that shit is like 3 months old bro. Sorry for partying

Coke and Strippers! This Is What Uncle Jesse Does!

MARQUETTE, Mich. – A Michigan couple were convicted Thursday of trying to extort $680,000 from actor John Stamos by threatening to sell old photos of him with strippers and cocaine to the tabloids unless he paid up.

Allison Coss, 24, and Scott Sippola, 31, both of Marquette, were found guilty in federal court of conspiracy and using e-mail to threaten a person's reputation — charges that could land them in prison for up to five years.

Police arrested the two in a sting in December at an Upper Peninsula airport after Stamos reported being the victim of an extortion attempt.

Defense attorneys told the jury it wasn't a crime to offer the images to Stamos before going to the celebrity media. FBI agents, however, testified that a search of the couple's home, vehicles and computer failed to turn up any evidence of embarrassing pictures.

Stamos, 46, was too late to the courtroom to hear the verdict but was present minutes later when the judge polled each juror, a common step in trials. He smiled, looked relieved, and shook hands with the prosecutors.

John Flesher, AP

Really? I mean really? This couple had pictures of John Stamos with coke and strippers? This is almost as shocking as when Ryan Seacrest came out of the closet. What? That didn't happen yet? Whatever, let's move on. I'm pretty sure Uncle Jesse has spent the last 20 years doing nothing but coke and strippers. I'm sure there are literally millions of pictures of him doing these things. This is like somebody trying to blackmail PMC saying they have pictures of him being shut down by a 2.5. Shit is just life. You can't extort someone for having pictures of them doing something they literally do 24/7. Also, I love how Uncle Jesse showed up late to court. No doubt in my mind he was held up by strippers and cocaine.

P.S. 2-1 odds on Bob Saget being in every one of those pictures.

Hot Sauce In My Bag!

UPPER MARLBORO, Md. -- Cleveland Cavaliers guard Delonte West pleaded guilty Thursday to weapons charges and received a home detention sentence that includes flexibility to travel to NBA games if the league allows it.

In Prince George's County Circuit Court, Judge Graydon S. McKee III sentenced West to eight months of home detention with electronic monitoring, two years of unsupervised probation, 40 hours of community service and psychological counseling.

Prosecutors said that the sentence would allow West to attend practices and travel to NBA games as his team's schedule requires, but NBA officials would not say whether any he'll face any additional discipline that could keep him off the court.

NBA spokesman Tim Frank said in an e-mailed statement that the league would "review the court's decision before making any disciplinary decisions."

West told the courtroom he has been "put on a pedestal" because he can "dribble a basketball," and worries about letting down youth who look up to athletes.

"I'm ashamed to stand before you," West said, later adding "I've set a bad example."

Authorities said the basketball player was carrying two loaded handguns, a loaded shotgun and an 8½-inch Bowie knife while speeding on a three-wheel motorcycle on the Capital Beltway last September. Police said West, who owns two homes in Prince George's County, Md., was pulled over after cutting off an officer. Video released by the prosecution after the hearing showed West stepping off the motorcycle with his hands in the air, and then standing on the side of the highway with his arms still raised.

AP

I'm obsessed with all things Delonte West. Even before the whole LeBron's mom thing, the guy was the craziest/funniest guy in the NBA. I mean have you even seen the youtube KFC video? Shit is classic. Add in the 3 wheel motorcycle, gun in the guitar case, and giant knife and you had me at hello. But possibly my favorite thing about Delonte West is that no one knows his race. Is he black? White? Mixed? No one knows. I once asked my buddy who grew up in Maryland close to Delonte what his race was. His answer, "Is hood a race?" Could not have said it better myself.

Dear Homeless People, Please Go Away

Every day on my walk through downtown Chicago, I encounter at least 30 homeless people begging for money. First off, if I gave all of you assholes my money I would be broke. Secondly, who the fuck carries change anymore? Whenever someone gives me change I just throw that shit straight to the ground. So these degenerates want actual dollar bills from me? Sorry old raggedy looking war vet, not today.

These greedy homeless people aren’t even offering a service any more. At least back in the day they pretended to try to wash you windshield, now these bastards just sit in their wheelchairs shaking their used coffee cups. If you’re not providing some sort of service or entertainment, you aren’t getting anything from me pops. Fuck, I would love to just booze all day, wander the streets, and holler at chicks, but guess what Bro this is real life and I have to work to do those things.

A few years ago a homeless guy had a sign saying he would do 20 push ups for $2. Now seeing a crack head/alcoholic do push ups is my kind of entertainment. This awful smelling low life was able to muster 10 push ups, then collapsed. I thought this was deserving of a dollar, not $2 though. You want $2, do all 20 asshole. So unless homeless people start offering some sort of service or entertainment, Chicago should have their TMA workers just stab them all. At least those TMA assholes would finally be earning a paycheck. Now I’m all riled up. You win this round fuckin homeless pieces of shit.

Does Anyone Still Watch This Crap?

Entourage hasn't been good or funny for at least 5 years. This show has me so confused. Is it supposed to be a comedy? If so, it is the worst comedy on TV because I haven't laughed while watching it since season 2. I'd watch iCarly over this crap any day of the week. Entourage is like hooking up with an ex girlfriend who used to be hot but is kinda gross now. The only reason you do it is because its easy and familiar. And Marky Mark seems like a giant prick. Just because you are 5'3" doesn't mean you have to be asshole to everyone. Did you see him at the ESPYs? Just being a smug bitch the whole time. The only decent person on the show is Evanston's own Jeremy Piven. And he was bald and playing the fake George like 18 years ago.

Welcome To Your Nightmare

LAS VEGAS — Keep in mind that Derrick Rose is not the boastful type.

Now fear for NBA defenses.

"It's there; I have a consistent 3-point shot now," Rose said Wednesday night. "You'll see. I just have so much confidence in my jump shot now. It's coming along so good. It's past even my expectations at this point."

K.C. Johnson, Chicago Tribune

Derrick Rose has a three pointer! Derrick Rose has three pointer! Derrick Rose has a three pointer! This is the greatest thing I've heard in years. Rose was already unguardable when you knew he was driving to the hoop 100% of the time. If he actually has a consistent 3 point shot, he could be a top 5 player next year. Fuck LeBron James and the Heat, the rest of the NBA should be pissed the Bulls are so stacked. And god forbid we sign JJ Redick, we will be consistently hitting 3's like my boy PMC on a Saturday night. Dude loves 3's, although he is much more likely to get a 1 or a 2. But when you look like Chuck E Cheese you can't be choosy. And I thought I wasted 9 grand on those season tickets. Shame on me. Best investment of my life. Probably. Maybe.

Joey Votto forgot he plays for Dusty Baker

Espn Chicago- Marlon Byrd made two big plays to help the National League beat the American League for the first time in 14 years, but All-Star teammate Joey Votto wasn't about to congratulate the Cubs outfielder.

"I don't like the Cubs," said Votto, the first baseman for the NL Central-leading

Cincinnati Reds. "And I'm not going to pat anybody with a Cubs uniform on the back."
Asked why he has such disdain for the Cubs, Votto said: "We are Cincinnati Reds. We're taught to hate everything in the Central Division. That's just how it is."

Hey Bro did you forget that you played for Dusty Baker? Last time I checked he is more of a bafoon then Sweet Lou. Dusty has never won anything and every year the Reds fail down the stretch. Granted I am a Cubs fan and they blow serious cock this year, but you don't hear anyone talking shit on the team. Joey Votto got a little taste of first place and just came in his pants. I would put a million dollars on the fact that the Reds don't win the division. I would come to work fucking naked wearing a Reds jersey if they win the division. Joey Votto gues what asshole, come 2 weeks from now you will be nowhere near first place so why don't you do me a favor and shut the fuck up.

Last time I checked Marlon Byrd made the all-star team without the fan vote.

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!!!!

The two people ejected from Six Flags Great America for allegedly striking a woman dressed as Porky Pig were off-duty employees and have been fired, a park spokeswoman said today.

The seasonal workers -- Taras Sikalchuk, 19, and Dmytro Petrychenko, 20, both of Waukegan -- hit their co-worker, dressed as the Warner Brothers character -- 10 to 15 times at about 4 p.m. Monday, according to police and a statement from Six Flags.

Gurnee police cited the pair for battery and released them. They were immediately removed from Six Flags property and dismissed, the park spokeswoman said.

Chicago Tribune

Stay classy Great America. To anyone who has never been to Six Flags in Gurnee, IL, this story is a perfect representation of the place. If you rolled around in a pile of shit you would be cleaner than you are after leaving this hell hole. Just jean shorts and cutoffs everywhere. As much as I think this place represents hell on earth, I would give anything to have been there when these two stomped out porky the pig. Something about people getting beaten up in giant animal costumes gets me every time. Shit is just hilarious.

South Park: Still Playing Chess While Everyone Else Plays Checkers

South Park doesn't get nearly the credit it deserves. They had an entire episode on Mel Gibson being crazy like 6 years ago, while everyone else in Hollywood was still all over this batshit crazy man's balls. When LeBron James decided to piss off the whole country, the two happiest/luckiest people were Tiger Woods and Ben Rapistburger. Now that all these Mel Gibson tapes are out, everybody stopped hating LeBron. And the cycle continues. Regardless, anyone who doesn't think South Park is amazing should just go back to their checker game.

P.S. I'm staying close to Akron this week for work and decided to drive by LBJ's compound. And you know what? No one was outside. I was expecting a bunch of protesters and shit. I guess Clevelanders are a lot like LeBron, just quitters through and through.

Three Worst Days of Sports

So Monday was the home run derby, something I stopped being interested in when I was 12. Tuesday was the all star game which is boring as shit. And Wednesday was the ESPYs, probably the most retarded award show of all time. I'm pretty sure I'd rather watch whatever dumbass award show spike tv has where they give Sty Stallone about 10 awards for being manly. The only decent thing about the ESPYs is seeing Erin Andrews on the red carpet being an absolute dick wrecker. I cannot wait for regular season baseball to start again, which is kinda depressing.

NEW YORK, July 14 (Reuters) - Teen mother Bristol Palin, the daughter of former U.S. vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, told a U.S. celebrity magazine she is engaged to her on-again off-again boyfriend before telling her mother.The 19-year-old Palin, whose previous engagement to Levi Johnston, 20, was called off after giving birth to their son in December, 2008, told US Weekly they recently reconnected and got engaged two weeks ago."It felt right, even though we don't have the approval of our parents," Palin told the magazine in a statement released Tuesday. "It is intimidating and scary just to think about what her reaction is going to be. Hopefully she will jump on board."

I almost burst into tears of joy when I heard these All-American High school sweethearts worked things out. They even did it the classy way of announcing it on the cover of US Weekly. It is good to see Bristol can look past Levi's playgirl photo shoot from a few months back. Obviously, that didn't get the chicks wet as much as Levi thought it would. If it was me on the other hand I'd be beating chicks away with my cock wait I mean a bat. How about Bristol? Man that chick can straight up get it, those are some amazing Alaskan tits she has going on. So congrats to Levi for locking down Bristol and as a true Bro I know you will be banging Sarah on the side.

HAHAHA I just realized Bristol said she isn't having sex until marriage. I give it 2 days and Levi will have that bitch pregnant again.

Chick who Claims to have the largest boobs going to die for having big tits

Brazilian model living in Houston, Tex. who has the largest breasts in the world, is in the fight for her life, myFOXhouston.com reported Tuesday.
After more than 30 plastic surgeries, Sheyla Hershey suffered her first complication following her most recent breast augmentation procedure in June when a severe staph infection reached both of Hershey's breasts.
Click here to see more photos of Sheyla Hershey.
Doctors took 30-year-old Hershey into surgery Tuesday morning to remove the implants, and possibly her own breasts.
Hershey said her surgeon is concerned that the infection could leak into her bloodstream, which could threaten her life.

Do I really have to even acknowledge this attention whore? We get it chick who have big tits, but I know Will who claims to be in Ohio definitely whacks it to chicks with way bigger boobs on youporn. Hey Will what do you think? I bet you've seen some way bigger tits. The thing is that this isn't even that hot. Obviously, I would take this chick to pound town, because who wouldn't. She just really doesn't do it for me. I am a boob man through and through, but this chick is just kind of gross. She would obviously destroy my handsome beautiful face if I even tried to motorboat her. I would end up looking like Eric Stoltz from the mask. It kind of serves her greedy ass right that she is going to die from an infection in her tits. Hey bitch nobody told you to have a hundred surgeries. I'll stick with some double d's any day of the week.

Depaul Basketball Player teaches us about Music

Yes if this isn't the most hilarious thing ever, I don't know what is. Even though I never thought it was possible, this dude has worse grammer then I do. Irregardless(right Bence), this dude is the man. I get down with R&B, because nothing like taking some chick to bone zone while playing some Pretty Ricky or Donnell Jones. If I ever needed relationship advice the first person I would go to is this annoynomous Depaul player. I mean he knows who to get your girlfriend wet with some smooth vocals and classy lyrics. I always thought R. Kelly's classic was feeling on your booty, not filling on your body. Dude just takes it to a whole new level of that song, straight up anal sex. Not to mention the fact that next time I am taking home a skeezer for a one hitter quiter bang session, I will know what song to throw on.

Hey Bro it's feel not fill.

Lets All Welcome the Newest Bulls-Ashton Kutcher and The Giant Gonzalez

The Bulls held a press conference yesterday where the introduced Kyle Korver aka Ashton Kutcher and also signed Turkish center Omer Asik who looks exactly like my man The Giant Gonzalez I demand that he wears the full body muscle suit every game next year. It would look fucking awesome under the Bulls Jersey. No way Chris Bosh is gonna fuck with a guy wearing a full body muscle suit and ready to choke slam him at the drop of a hat.

Kyle Korver is going to make it rain the entire season. I am predicting he is hands down the best three point shooter in the league next season and wins the 3 point contest. Anytime you have Derrick Rose driving to the hole and can kick it out to a sharp shooter things are looking good. The problem with Korver is, he says he hated Michael Jordan growing up. That either means one of two things, you hate America or you are the biggest douche in the world. I am going with Douche because the Bulls already have one terrorist/dead WWf superstar on their roster.

Old Man Tries To Blow Up Another Old Man Via Craigslist

MADISON, Wis. -- Police say a 76-year-old Madison man has been arrested after he took out an ad on Craigslist looking for someone to build him a bomb.

The man wanted to send the bomb to a Montana man who is a friend of the suspect's estranged wife. He wanted the bomb in a box and rigged to explode when opened.

An agent with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives called the phone number in the ad and posed as a bomb maker, according to the police report.

The man offered to pay $500 for the bomb and described how he wanted it to work.

On Monday, ATF agents and police officers delivered the fake bomb. The suspect was wearing latex gloves at the time of the arrest. He's in custody, but hasn't been formally charged.

-- Associated Press

Sometimes I feel bad for old people. Like this dude probably just found out what the Internet was and had no idea the ATF could use it against him. All he wanted to do was blow up another old dude who was probably banging his wife in Montana. Instead he has a bunch of ATF guys pulling a complicated sting operation on him. Old man is probably still confused. I bet after he was arrested he was still asking where his bomb was and asking for directions to the nearest post office. This whole story makes me like craiglist even less. If an old man can't blow up another old man via craigslist, what can he do?

So You're Telling Me I Can't Go To Europe With My Hand Written Passport?

NEW YORK – Members of an Iroquois lacrosse team who refuse to travel on U.S. passports were barred from getting on a flight Tuesday to the sport's world championship tournament.

The 23 members of the New York-based squad arrived at a Delta terminal at Kennedy International Airport wearing team jackets and shirts. Their manager, Ansley Jemison, didn't expect to be allowed to board their flight to Amsterdam and wasn't surprised to be turned away at the check-in desk.

U.S. officials previously informed the team that new security rules for international travelers meant that their old passports — low-tech, partly handwritten documents issued by a tribal authority — wouldn't be honored.

Samantha Gross, AP

Just another case of the white man trying to keep the Native Americans down. Handwritten passports aren't legit? Since when? This is all news to me. The Native Americans cannot catch a break. Whats next, they will have to go through the same processes as everyone else to open a casino? They have only had 200 years to recover from all the mistreatment. Something tells me these passports had drawings instead of pictures of each person. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself.

P.S. Did you ever notice that Native American is the only race white parents feel comfortable dressing up their kids as for Halloween? Kinda strange. I say parents should feel free to dress their kids as all races because little kids being racist is hilarious.

Boardwalk Empire

To say I'm excited for this show is the understatement of a lifetime. Ever since the Sopranos and the Wire ended HBO has fallen off hard. I absolutely hate Entourage, Hung is awful, and I stay away from anything vampire related. HBO finally realized to get back to the basics. Gangsters. Women. Violence. Drugs. Just keep it simple. Add in Scorsese and Buscemi and its game over. If somehow there could be one episode where Boardwalk Empire crosses over with Entourage and E and Vince beaten to death by gangsters from the 1920s. I know this makes no sense but I'd still love to see it.

What All Star Game? The Hills series finale is tonight

Man I am straight up devastated that tonight I will be saying goodbye to Kristen Cavallari's hot ass and Audrianas great tits. This show has entertained me for a solid 5 years and that is more then almost any show on tv now. If you even attempt to say Entourage you might as well go bang the next dude you see cause that show is awful. The Hills had everything, from drunken chick fights, hot chicks in bikinis, dudes just banging them and never calling, and dudes brawling. Show brought it almost every week. Not to mention the soundtrack was unreal, just hit after hit. Probably my favorite person was Justin Bobby who would just cheat on Audriana over and over and she kept taking him back. J bob is the fucking man. So tonight you better believe I will be crushing the final episode of the Hills and the after show. I can't wait to see Spencer crash that shit with his crystals.

Is this the best movie trailer/going to be the best movie ever?

This is without a doubt the best movie trailer I have ever seen in my entire life. I don't think god himself could have put together a better action movie. I don't go to movies anymore, because I go out, get fucked, and bang bitches in my free time, but you better believe I will be there opening night ready to watch Dolph Lundren Ivan drago Stone Cold Steve Austin. To top it all off Stallone is a fucking genius throwing in some GNR in the trailer. This cast has to be the greatest ensemble cast ever assembled. People talk about Crash and other movies like it's some great fete getting together all those faggy prima donna actors, but I bet these action heroes didn't think twice. These guys probably got so roided up and banged 100000 chicks before shooting a film that will go down as a top 5 movie of all time. I got an action movie boner just watching this....no homo.

R.I.P George Steinbrenner

I am not a Yankees fan by any means, but George Steinbrenner is without a doubt the greatest professional sports owner I have ever seen. He embodies everything you would want in an owner. His number one priority was winning and winning at any cost. In his lifetime he won 7 world series and as a Cubs fan you can only dream of an owner like Steinbrenner(the Ricketts aren't even close). What made him even better was he was self-made and was bat shit crazy. Going on crazy rants, firing Billy Martin and then rehiring him, screaming at players and staff, he was just awesome. He is everything that is right in America when it comes to sports ownership. With that idiot Dan Gilbert ranting and raving and my Cubbies being owned by pussies, it is pretty clear that Steinbrenner was the best of the best. So R.I.P Steinbrenner if I could have one wish it would be someone cut from your mold would someday own the Cubs.

Luckiest Kid In America Doesn't Cash Winning Ticket

A Chicago area father is suing Southwest Airlines, alleging his 14-year-old son was forced to sit next to a woman who allegedly made sexual advances toward the boy and offered him illegal drugs during a flight to Florida.

The suit, filed Monday in Cook County Circuit Court, claims that the flight attendants didn’t protect the boy during the July 13th, 2008 flight from Chicago to Orlando.

“My client was a 14-year-old little boy when he was aggressively, sexually pursued by an older passenger who offered him drugs, who wanted sex from him,” said Chicago attorney Jeffrey S. Deutschman.

“He went to the bathroom four times, he asked to move and he was told to take his seat,” Deutschman said.

The boy was so “shaken” he refused to take the return flight home alone, the suit states.

“His father had to fly down and bring him back,” Deutschman said.

The suit claims the airline was negligent and failed to “remove the adult female who was obviously intoxicated and/or under the influence of other drugs.”

A spokesman for Southwest Airlines declined comment.
"I do not understand how an airline today, in this post-9-11 world would permit a passenger to be abusive to a small child," Deutschman said.

The family is seeking at least $50,000 in the personal injury lawsuit.

-Lisa Donovan, Suntimes

So let me get this straight, while I was flying to Cleveland with two dude flight attendants, this lucky bastard flew to Florida and had an older women offering him drugs and sex the entire flight? And to make matters worse, this little jackass complained about it the whole time. Are you kidding me? While I've got dudes leaning on me serving drinks, this kid has some hot cougar trying to bang and do blow in the bathroom. Every kids dream growing up. Some people catch all the breaks and some catch no breaks at all. If I'm the judge in this lawsuit I'm throwing the case out and telling this kid to grow a pair.

Hey Male Flight Attendant, Get Out Of My Face Please

So I'm in the great city of Cleveland this week for work (so I'm double depressed) and my flight here had two male flight attendants. Two! And no chicks! What the hell is this world coming to? Is this a new age of plane rides? Or was this some sort of statistical fluke? Like I know most hot chicks are pharmaceutical reps and no longer flight attendants, but seriously? Dudes? The only thing decent about an airplane ride is thinking about what you would do to the smokeshow flight attendant in that tiny little bathroom. I even fantasize about the 60 year old skinny ones who have more than a few miles on them (see what I did there, yeah that's right). On the bright side, I'm only about 15 minutes away from LeBron's compound so if I get bored I can go yell at his empty house with the crazy/pathetic Clevelanders.

P.S. To Barstool, I'm at ground zero here and everything I've heard from the locals is that the Delonte West story is 100% true. I hate terezowens too, but looks like the D Bag was right.

I See Your 68 And Raise You To 128

The final four at-large teams and final four automatic qualifiers in the newly minted 68-team NCAA men's basketball tournament field will meet for the right to enter the traditional 64-team draw, tournament selection committee chairman Dan Guerrero announced Monday.

The "First Four" will be played either the Tuesday or Wednesday after Selection Sunday. The winners of the four games will advance to what will now be called the "second round" on either Thursday or Friday. The newly named third round -- with 16 games -- will be Saturday and Sunday. The rest of the tournament -- regional semifinals (Sweet 16) and regional finals (Elite Eight) -- will remain as they have been, as will the Final Four, which is set for Houston in 2011.

Andy Katz, ESPN.com

WOW, they added 3 whole teams! This is horseshit. Either expand or don't. I say just make it a clean 128 and call it a day. This would give us 32 games on both Tuesday and Wednesday and literally make every heterosexual male in the country take the entire week off of work. Could you imagine being in Vegas from the Tuesday-Sunday? I mean everyone would be broke because there would be about a gazillion games to bet on, but it would be the greatest 6 days of all time. And to everyone who says we need to keep it at 64 because of the sanctity and all that crap, please never speak again. No one remembers who made the tournament. No one remembers some dumbass random 600 person school getting bounced in the first round. Just give me as many games as possible and I'll be fine.

Clean It Up

In today's accident, the truck was stopped in traffic around 8 a.m. when the gates started descending, said Reba Butler, the truck's owner and the driver's aunt. He was unable to go forward because the train was approaching and unable to back up because of cars stopped behind him.
-- Andrew L. Wang, Chicago Tribune

This has to be the dumbest truck driver of all time. When you have the choice of sitting idle while a giant train crashes into you or backing up into some schmuck in his Honda CRV, you pick hitting the CRV every time. Its a fucking train bro! What the hell did you think was going to happen.

Monday Boobs

Monday's blow, except for people who are Doin it i.e me, because I didn't work and sat on my ass and nursed a hangover. For all you suckers out there you have been in the office. I have enjoyed this sunny 85 degree Chicago day like a true American champion. To make it better for you assholes here are some Monday Boobs to keep you happy. Sophia Vergara is a milf that I would love to pound town anytime anywhere.

This is why Title IX is a joke

Boxing Kangaroo Owns Woman - Watch more Funny Videos

This is what I am talking about, chicks can't even beat a kangaroo in a boxing match. From now on get some kangaroos in colleges and let them play chick basketball, chick soccer, and whatever other bulshit sports chicks have taken away from dudes. Obviously, Kangaroos would dominate the hell out of sports. Some Roo dunks and goal scoring would be amazing to watch. This chick must have fucked the kangaroos boyfriend the way it went after her. For some reason it reminds me of JWOWW beating up that bitch who called Snookers fat.

The refs can't even break it up, the Kangaroo is hell bent on winning she even breaks out The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase's Million Dollar Dream.



I was so ready for this bitch to tap out, because this just goes to show that Chicks are so inferior that Kangaroos work them out no questions asked. Then to top it all off the Roo goes in for the doggystyle rape session. I mean I was hoping for someone to come out of the crowd and hit the Roo with a chair or something, but instead she/he(don't really know how Kangaroos work) just goes for the ass and that chick high tails it the fuck out of there. Hey honey stick to cleaning and sucking dick, just some friendly advice from your boy here.

The Home Run Derby is now a joke

I never thought I'd say this, but I miss Slammin Sammy. The Home Run Derby has now become as big of a joke as the slam dunk contest. Seriously, what happened to the good old days of Sammy and Mark jacking 600 foot bombs, or Ken Griffey rolling up with the backwards hat and putting on a show. Frank Thomas and Cecil Fielder two Goliath's just smashing home runs like I smash box. Mcgwire in 1999 was the greatest display of home run hitting I have ever seen. I don't give a fuck if he was roiding it was unreal. He destroyed the ball like Benny the Jet. I don't think one ball was in tact after the derby was over.

Now, we've got a derby full of weak clowns. The only positive is that David Ortiz is roiding again and should wreck shop on these soft magoos. Get Chris Young out of my face, this guy was sent back to the god damn minors last year. This derby is amateur hour, Vernon Wells and Matt Holliday, no thanks bro. Call me when Josh Hamilton, Robie Cano, Adam Dunn, Vlad, and young stud Jason Heyward are getting involved. Prince Fielder is on a team that blows more dick then Boy George and he still passed. I am going to spend tonight watching reruns of the Derby from 1994-2000 instead watching a bunch of fucktards go up and underwhelm America.

That being said my prediction is Nick Swisher is going to steal the show tonight and take home the victory. Somebody wake me when Sammy and Mark are jacking bombs.

Lincoln Park=Bars, College Chicks, Me, and now Guns

Chicago Tribune- Mayor Richard Daley's newly minted ban on gun stores in Chicago is being challenged in federal court by a man who hopes to sell firearms from a Lincoln Park storefront.

Joe Franzese, who owns Second Amendment Arms in far north suburban Lake Villa, believes the gun regulation the Chicago City Council passed last week is unconstitutional. While the ordinance allows residents to own handguns, it outlaws their sale within the city, said Franzese's lawyer, Walter Maksym.

"That would be like allowing people to read books, then outlawing libraries and bookstores," said Maksym, who filed a federal lawsuit Friday on Franzese's behalf.

The suit also calls on the city to repay the owners of firearms confiscated under Chicago's 1982 handgun ban, which the U.S. Supreme Court late last month indicated is not constitutional.

Robert Zieman, a Chicago sanitation department worker, had about nine guns confiscated by the city around 2004, Maksym said. Zieman and anyone else who had guns taken away under the old ban should be eligible for restitution for the cost of the weapons and any costs they incurred to defend themselves, Maksym said in the suit.

In addition, the suit calls for those people to have their records cleared of any conviction. "Because it's a gun offense, it kind of stigmatizes people and sticks with them," Maksym said.

A city Law Department spokeswoman said the suit is trying to "greatly expand the limited right" granted in the Supreme Court's rulings on gun bans in Chicago and the District of Columbia.

The rulings, which overturned bans in both cities, recognized the right "to possess a handgun in the home for purposes of self-defense," said Law Department spokeswoman Jennifer Hoyle.

She added that the city believes it has "strong legal defenses" against any claims for damages dating back to 1982.

"In addition to statute of limitations issues, individuals who failed to challenge the constitutionality of the gun ordinance have waived their legal claims and are not entitled to now seek restitution for their guns or their legal costs," she said.

Maksym said the Lincoln Park gun store would be a "boutique" where only people with valid Firearm Owner's ID cards would be allowed to shop for guns brought out to them from a vault.

City Corporation Counsel Mara Georges has said there is a prohibition against displaying guns for sale in the current city ordinance. The new law, which takes effect Monday, will ban the sale outright.

Why does Mayor Daley hate America? I believe I have the right to bear arms and I also have the right before I go to the bars and hit on DePaul chicks to check out the latest gats at my neighborhood gun boutique. Joe Franzese is a true American hero, I like his style as I consider myself the modern Uncle Sam. Carrying on the American tradition of banging hot chicks, getting retarded drunk, knowing the most about Chicago sports, and overall just doin it. The one thing I am missing is being able to shop for a gun without having to leave city limits. What a better place to put a gun store then Lincoln Park. I already never leave the area unless I am going to steal groceries from my parents in the burbs, so being able to shoot guns and then buy one would be great. I have always wanted to get strapped, because I think it would just accentuate my Patriotism.

Joe F is a guy with guts who is looking for some glory and I respect the shit out of it. He knows that America was built on the Constitution and the ability to carry a gun and shoot the shit out of it. What the hell happens if my apartment is invaded by anger boyfriends whose girlfriends I've banged? In Joe's perfect world I would get to shoot the shit out of that dick chugger with a gun I bought from his shop. Sounds like the American Dream.

Jesse Jackson = LeBron Situation Becoming About Race and Jesse Jackson

Jackson said Gilbert's comments were "mean, arrogant and presumptuous."

"He speaks as an owner of LeBron and not the owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers," the reverend said in a release from his Chicago-based civil rights group, the Rainbow PUSH Coalition. "His feelings of betrayal personify a slave master mentality. He sees LeBron as a runaway slave. This is an owner employee relationship -- between business partners -- and LeBron honored his contract."

Associated Press

Typically once Jesse Jackson gets involved in anything I immediately stop paying attention. I understand guy did a lot back in the day for civil rights but since I've been alive Jesse Jackson has been a complete joke. Jesse Jackson says ridiculous things just so people will talk about Jesse Jackson. Dan Gilbert thinks LeBron is a runaway slave? Really dude? I hate Jesse Jackson. The whole situation is simple. Dan Gilbert is pissed because LeBron basically took a giant dump all over the city of Cleveland and the Cavs organization with this entire free agency process. All LeBron needed to do was call a quick press conference, talk about how much Cleveland means to him and how much he will miss the city, and then say where he is going. No live one hour ESPN special necessary. Gilbert going off on LeBron was hilarious and pathetic all at the same time. Like I was definitely dying the whole time I was reading it, but I was also glad this was not the owner of the Bulls. Just embarrassing.

Get Me This Octopus

I hate soccer, the World Cup, and anything octopus related (things are just gross), so naturally I paid no attention to this story about some dumbass octopus picking World Cup games. I just couldn't care less. But then I heard this mother fucker went 8 for 8 in picking World Cup games. 8 for 8? Are you shitting me? I could have turned 2 grand into like 5 million dollars off this god damn thing. Can this thing only pick World Cup games or does his skill transfer to all sports? If so where does this octopus live because I need to steal him and use him for random NBA games next year. Have you tried betting on the NBA? Shit is impossible.

First Place Bitches

That's right, the once garbage White Sox are actually in 1st place. The Sox have won 25 of their last 30 games after a terrible start. Despite the loss of Jake Peavy, the starting pitching has looked amazing and the bats are starting to come around. Carlos Quentin is crushing the ball like Jack Parkman for gods sake. And Adnruw Jones has lost around 180 pounds and looks like his old Atlanta self. Sorry Detroit and Minnesota, but you two are just playing for second place at this point. It's been 5 years since our last World Series title and I think it's about time for another one.

"Fight" At The Tour de France

Tour De France Rider Hits Opponent With Wheel - Watch more Sports

I hate French people and I hate people who ride bikes so I obviously loathe everything about the Tour de France. Watching these two "athletes" go at it actually made me miss the World Cup. My only hope is that they were both seriously injured and will never be ale to ride again. And please don't get me started on Lance Armstrong. Guy is the biggest sack of shit on the planet and has somehow tricked everyone into thinking he is a great guy. Fuck bikers and fuck the Tour de France.

Amateur Hour

Sadly this is exactly what I expected out of Miami. Some retarded pep rally to pump up the worst fans in the NBA. And of course these Miami idiots were eating this shit up. This was one of the most embarrassing things I've ever seen. For a minute I felt bad for these fans because they have absolutely no idea how ridiculous they look going all bat shit crazy like a 10 year old girl (or my boy PMC) at a Justin Bieber concert. But then I remembered these people were from Miami and I went back to hating every single one of them. Clean it up Miami and go get some fucking class.

Kyle Korver.....Come On Down.

The Bulls have signed Kyle Korver to a 3 year $15 million contract. Probably the best option we had left. This gives us a starting 5 of Rose, Korver, Deng, Boozer, and Noah. Not too shabby. Do I think we are currently better than Boston or Orlando? No, but the potential is there. This team can compete night in and night out. And on a non gay note, Kyle Korver is going to absolutely dominate Chicago chicks. I'm pretty sure most Chicago girls have no idea who Korver is, but they soon will. If a clown like Jay Cutler can kill it at the clubs, I'm guessing a 6'7" Ashton Kutcher look a like will do just fine.

Hide Your Chicken Coops

An ordinance to allow backyard chickens in Evanston looks cooked, or at least overdone, as aldermen failed to advance the issue out of committee.

Aldermen on the city council's Human Services Committee deadlocked 2-2 Wednesday night on moving the issue to the full city council, which must approve any ordinance.

Committee members could have sent the issue to the council without a majority vote, but at chairwoman Judy Fiske's, 1st, request, the issue was held in committee to allow absent member Alderman Lionel Jean-Baptiste, 2nd, to break the tie vote.

City counsel Grant Farrar said procedural language was silent, on what to do in such cases. In the past, committee members have moved some issues to the council for action after failing to reach consensus.

Members of Evanston's Backyard Chicken Committee were disappointed. Chairwoman Ellen King said aldermen appear "to be overthinking a very simple issue."

-Bob Seidenberg, Evanston Review

So you're telling me I have to get rid of my chicken coop in my mom's backyard? What the hell? I need my chickens! If a grown man can't raise chickens in his backyard without getting hassled by the 5-0, what can he do? One thing is for sure, I will be attending the next Backyard Chicken Committee meeting for sure. Or at least joining in via satellite.

P.S. Do people in Evanston really raise chickens in their backyard? I've literally been in hundreds of backyards in Evanston and never seen one chicken. My neighbors once made one of their visiting relatives sleep in a tent outside so he wouldn't steal anything, and they didn't even have chickens.

Cliff Lee to Yankees?

A trade that would send Mariners left-hander Cliff Lee to the Yankees was "just about done" on Friday morning, according to an executive involved in the trade talks.

The Mariners have been pushing hard to complete the trade, but as of Friday morning there was no agreement in place, sources said, and it was possible another team could have stepped in to make a more aggressive bid.

The Mariners had also been talking with the Rays, Twins, Rangers, Reds and other teams, and news that the Yankees were on the verge of getting Lee -- first reported by the New York Post -- could have spurred one of the other teams to strengthen their offer.

But all along, the Yankees have believed no other team matches up better than they would with Seattle in a Lee deal because they are offering prospect Jesus Montero, who figures to have a long and productive career as a hitter regardless of whether he plays catcher or first base.
-Buster Olney, EPSN.com

God I hope this isn't true. If the Yankees somehow add Cliff Lee, who is probably a top 5 starting pitcher in baseball, this season is over. Have you seen Cliff Lee pitch? Dude is just complete game after complete game. The Yankees were already the favorite to win the World Series, and this just puts them completely over the top. Does Cliff Lee smell or something? This is like his 4th team in 4 years and he has dominated everywhere he has been. Or maybe he just bangs teammates moms Delonte West style. Regardless, if he joins the Yankees I am down with baseball for the year.

Stefan Urkel beats up Laura Winslow

TMZ has learned ... Jaleel White -- the actor who played Steve Urkel on "Family Matters" -- is under investigation for allegedly battering a woman. Sources familiar with the police report tell us ... the alleged victim claims White allegedly punched her in one of her breast implants while they were driving on Pacific Coast Highway two weeks ago, with an infant in the car. We're told, she claims when they got home White allegedly slapped her, and pushed her into a toilet so hard it broke the tank.Sources connected with White's baby mama, Bridget Hardy, tell TMZ Hardy is in fact the alleged victim. We're told she did not report any injuries. The alleged victim filed a report with the LAPD Tuesday. The investigation is ongoing.A rep for Jaleel tells TMZ, "There was absolutely no battery ... no abuse ... and the incident never happened."The rep continues, "This is just a ploy in an ongoing custody battle over their young daughter to tarnish his name."

Nobody and I mean nobody can tarnish the name of Stefan Urkel. Stefan has more game then any man alive even the most interesting man in the world. Also, why wasn't I told that he had a kid with Laura Winslow. That should have been breaking news on TMZ. I mean I bet Carl went ape shit when he found out Laura was pregnant with an Urkel child. We all know Stefan was slaying hot ass models in France even while dating Laura. Oh wait Stefan isn't real he got some bitch name Bridget pregos. Well whatever same shit. Even if he did beat her ass it's not big deal I bet she was just jealous cause he was banging out maxine and laura on the side. Jaleel gets it done and I am sure if he actually did smack a ho there was a good reason.

Old dudes raw dogging old chicks

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) – Even if you're past your prime and have a hard time getting an erection, you might still need to worry about unprotected sex, according to U.S. doctors.
In fact, they report in the Annals of Internal Medicine, the rate of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) in older men taking erectile dysfunction drugs like Viagra is twice as high as in their non-medicated peers.
In both groups, however, the numbers are swelling. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there were more than six new cases of STDs per 10,000 men over 40 in 2008, up almost 50 percent since 1996.
"Younger adults have far more STDs than older adults, but the rates are growing at far higher rates in older adults," said Dr. Anupam B. Jena of Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, who led the study.
While the reasons for this development aren't well understood, he said more divorces and better health might have conspired to boost sexual prowess and activity among graying heads.
The problem, however, is that older adults appear to flout safe sex practices. For instance, the researchers note, 50-year-olds are six times less likely to use a condom than men in their 20s.
"We are typically unaccustomed to practice safe sex over the age of 50, because the risk of pregnancy is eliminated," Jena told Reuters Health.

It is always good to know that when I become an old balls magoo, I will still be raw dogging chicks left and right. Nothing like some old dudes getting it done and refusing to wear condoms. It will be a bummer when I am 65 and go and take a piss and it hurts so bad my old ass dies, but then again I am guessing that by the time I am a senior citizen there will be no STD's or nerd scientists will develop a magic syrum to turn me 25 again. Either way I am guessing I will be able to take down a bunch of hot dime piece strippers when I am older and not worry about STDs.

Back to the old dudes banging, these guys are my heroes. They don't need to worry about getting the old ass they are chasing around prego so they just say fuck and take down their slam pieces condom free. It's always reassuring to know that "young people" still have a much higher rate of std's, so tonight when I go out looking slay some chicks instead of 50/50 if I wrap it when a hot chick begs me for pound town I think I will be cautious and make it 70/30.

Dan Gilbert bitch slaps Lebron again

CLEVELAND -- Angered and betrayed by LeBron James' decision to leave for Miami, Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert accused the NBA's MVP of quitting during the playoffs.

Gilbert, who posted a letter to Cavs fans on the team's website shortly after James announced his plans to sign with the Heat, told The Associated Press late Thursday night that it's "accountability time" for James.

"He has gotten a free pass," Gilbert said in a phone interview with The AP. "People have covered up for [James] for way too long. Tonight we saw who he really is."

Gilbert said James quit on the Cavs during their second-round series against the Boston Celtics, who rallied from a 2-1 deficit to eliminate Cleveland.

"He quit," Gilbert said. "Not just in Game 5, but in Games 2, 4 and 6. Watch the tape. The Boston series was unlike anything in the history of sports for a superstar."

The Cavaliers were beaten by 32 points in Game 5. During the game, James appeared distracted and uninterested, often glaring at Cleveland's coaches as the Cavs tried to foul to get back into the game in the second half. James also made some puzzling postgame comments, saying he had "spoiled" people with his play over seven seasons.

Gilbert also said he believes James quit on the Cavs in Game 6 of their series in 2009 against Orlando.

"Go back and look at the tape," he said. "How many shots did he take?"
DG is really piling on Lebron huh? Apparently, he doesn't give a fuck about anything, because this shit is hilarious. Don't get me wrong I wanted Lebron to come to the Bulls as bad as anyone, but Dan Gilbert really makes him look like the bitch we have all grown to know and love. I love this, I bet Dan got hammered tonight called ESPN and just let loose for like an hour. The only problem with this is that it may keep anyone remotely good away from Cleveland. I know I would not go anywhere near an owner who is gonna shit on me as soon as I leave the team. I guess it doesn't really matter, because nobody wants to play in the mistake by the lake anyways. Now I just hope he flips out one more time and tells the whole story of Delonte West's repeated pound town sessions with Gloria James. C'mon Dan let these stories loose bro.

City Ban On Pop. Is San Francisco Even Part Of The United States?

San Francisco has officially taken out sugary drinks and replaced them with soy milk, rice milk, and certain diet sodas in vending machines on city property.

Mayor Gavin Newsom made the executive order several months ago but the order didn't take into effect until this week, reported the San Francisco Chronicle.

Sodas, sports drinks, artificially flavored water, and juice with added sweeteners will not be present in vending machines. Juice must be 100 percent fruit or vegetable juice.

By Jack Phillips, Epoch Times Staff

This is an absolute travesty. Like I know Cleveland is upset right now but at least they can walk the streets and buy as much Coke or Pepsi as they want. They may live in the worst sports town in America but they still have their freedom. Does this include Gatorade? I fuckin love Gatorade. I'm pretty sure this is against the Constitution. I know one of the Articles states something about Coca-Cola being free to sell their product in all places or something like that. I hope San Francisco is prepared for the fat people riots that are going to take place. Fat people love pop. They drink that shit instead of water. Fat people may burn this city to the ground.

White Sox, White Sox, Go Go White Sox

The White Sox have quietly been the best team in baseball over the last month. I personally love being under the radar. I'm pretty sure the American League East doesn't even know we exist yet, which is fine by me. The Yankees or Red Sox are in for a big surprise when Johnny Danks and Gavin Floyd are throwing two hitters on them on October. Pitching wins championships and even with the loss of Peavy, the Sox starting rotation should be dominant throughout the rest of the season. Not to mention Konerko and Rios have been raking all season. It's been 5 years, I think the White Sox are due for another title. I mean 5 years? That's a long time to wait. Right Cubs fans?

Cavs Owner Dan Gilbert's Shits On LeBron's.......After He Leaves

Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE"

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown "chosen one" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former "King" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, Cleveland.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue....

Dan Gilbert

We all know LeBron is quite possibly the biggest asshole on the planet for how he went about the whole free agent process. And I tend to agree with anyone who feels like talking shit about him. But Dan Gilbert is probably the person with the least right to criticize LeBron. He had LeBron for 7 seasons and the two best players he got him were Larry Hughes and Mo Williams. Seriously? That's what you did in seven fucking years? If memory serves me right, Cleveland fans even had a website called stopshootinglarryhughes.com. Oh, and Gilbert also signed a crazy person who banged LeBron's mom. Lastly, saying that the Cavaliers will win a title before LeBron does is quite possibly the most retarded thing I've ever heard. Take a look at Cleveland's roster and contracts they have in place right now (http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/teams/roster?team=cle) and add the fact they will never be able to sign a big time free agent. This team will NEVER win a championship. Sorry Cleveland. If it makes you feel better you probably won't even exist in a few years.

It's Official Lebron James and D Wade are on the down low

Well guess what Lebron and D Wade are officially fucking each other. There is no other reason this asshole would go and be the third bitch on a team that WILL NOT WIN THE TITLE NEXT YEAR. The obvious choice was the Bulls and Lebron and his team of retards were to stupid to figure that out. I mean this is absurd, Lebron is the biggest coward in the history of the NBA, if anything he will end up as the poor mans Magic Johnson. I don't ever want to hear any comparisons to Michael, or Bird, or Erving, or anyone else who was a legit NBA legend. He will always be the bitch of Wade county. The only funny thing to come of this was the giant shit he took on Cleveland. I mean everyone in that town is going to kill themselves right? I mean they have no other choice. The biggest sports star they have is Jake Delhomme. Hey Lebron good luck getting your ass handed to you by the Celtics, Bulls, and Lakers next year. You chug dick.

Meet The Angriest Man In America

How angry do you think Kobe is right now? Probably gonna rape at least 8 bitches tonight. His team won the championship and all anyone cares about is LeBron James, a career loser in the NBA. The goal is to still win championships right? Like that's why these guys play the game. Jon Barry called LeBron the best player in the NBA and D Wade the second best. Really? The best player on the last two championship teams isn't even in the top two? Reminds of the years Barkley and Malone won the MVP's over Jordan and Jordan destroyed them in the finals, when it counts. I don't even like Kobe, but I now like him about 50,000 times better than I like LeBron. Fuck LeBron. Long live Delonte West.

FINALLY!

Antibody can destroy 90% of HIV strains
Researchers have discovered antibodies that can protect against a wide range of AIDS viruses and said they may be able to use them to design a vaccine against the fatal and incurable virus. -Reuters

Even though Magic Johnson has had this vaccine for at least 15 years, it is nice that these researchers have finally decided to let the general public in on a cure. Although I'm pretty sure we will find a way to make sure Africa gets none of this vaccine. The US will make something up about it not working on Africans or something. Unfortunately this will have no effect on my life since I never use condoms anyways. A wise homeless man once told me that if you use a condom it doesn't even count as sex. Couldn't agree more crazy man standing outside the liquor store. Couldn't agree more.